How to talk to strangers (part 1)
What you’re about to read isn’t reserved for the extrovert or ministry leader. I am an introvert. I love, I mean really love, working from home all by my lonesome during the day. I like peace and quiet. Yet, I find myself in a city packed with people who are broken and hurting. I might even be a pastor’s wife, but in my local context, that either 1) means absolutely nothing to people or 2) only the 700 attending our church even care.
There’s absolutely nothing special about me or where I live or where I end up in my day. I haven’t even completed Malcolm Gladwell’s, Talking to Strangers. My physical eyesight is not sharp, particularly my right eye. But I’m learning to see what God sees. Even as I type these words to you in the bakery on 24th and Sanchez, my eyes are getting wet as I look up at dozens of neighbors and feel compassion. Not because I know them. I know not one, well, except John. But I don’t think I made a great impression on him months ago when my friend Carol introduced us. He just walked by me and yep. Clearly he doesn’t remember me.
They are strangers - unknown to me. But they are not strangers to Jesus. He knows their names. Even the numbers of hair on their heads. (Matthew 10:30) God knows what causes the man to obsessively bounce her legs up and down as he tries to have conversation with the person across from him. God knows why this middle-aged woman is working so hard on her laptop and how these two new moms met one another. God and I see the woman in her business attire frantically looking for someone. It’s just that God knows who she’s waiting for.
So when I engage with my neighbors, the people of my city, I’m simply Shauna. So I want you to be you today. The strangers around you need to meet you. And you are called to meet them.
That’s good for you, but I’m afraid.
Imagine your community where peace abounds and trust exists across all demographics. Everyone leaves their homes and cars unlocked without fear of intrusion. Everyone is working towards the good of the community. If someone dared to throw trash on the ground, several people would be there to pick it up and assume that it was by mistake or something will need to be said next time. That reprimand would be well received. Everyone is somehow connected. If you don’t know that person directly, you know someone they know and that makes a world of difference in trust.
Maybe your town is not far from this reality. Maybe this description reminds you of Little House on the Prairie or Mayberry - merely a made up story.
Because fear exists. And therein lies the blockage to talking to strangers.
A stranger is someone unknown to you. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) How many people does that include where you live?
In the Torah (the Old Testament), a stranger is frequently used for someone who is not from one’s own tribe. Tribes stuck to their own kind. Sound familiar? It was Jesus who flipped this around and said to love Him is to love one another, yes, outside the boundaries that former generations placed on their people. Outside your home. Outside your circle. Outside your level of comfort. Outside your friend group. Outside your work team.
To talk to a stranger has grown quickly unique today. Wasn’t it just yesterday I could make eye contact with someone in the store? Wasn’t it in my generation where we’d need to initiate the conversation with the librarian, office attendant, and barista?
Now it’s all
Online
or Our ears have white plugs in them
or Our bodies move at super-fast speed through the day to avoid contact with others
Or all of the above.
Our enemy can’t see the future, only the past and present. So he uses fear. We fire back with hope, because we know the future. That’s a weapon he doesn’t have! And he’ll use packaging tape and bubble wrap to secure fear all over us, keeping us isolated, when we’re meant to live sent together. To cross the street. To meet the neighbors. Because it’s not longer you and me and them. It’s profoundly us. - from The Enemy Has A Plan, Too chapter in Love Where You Live
How do I talk to strangers?
When Jesus teaches about heaven, He speaks of what we have done for strangers. His words exactly, “I was a stranger and you welcomed me.” (Matthew 25:35) We teach kids not to talk to strangers because they are still learning boundaries and discernment. Yet, we forget that this doesn’t still apply as we age and build trust. If we recall, we were separated from Jesus, without hope and without God in this world. But Jesus brought us close by way of the cross. Let’s go and do likewise.
Put on a smile.
Approach with love and not fear.
Do so with good intentions.
Say, Hello, my name is ____.What’s yours?
See what happens from here.
CUPCAKES HELP.
Look for reasons to connect. I’ve thought about this for a few birthdays, but this year, I took a detour on the way to the gym on October 11 and picked up mini cupcakes at Whole Foods. Two things about the people at my gym: 1) we’re a casual bunch. 2) we’re a consistent bunch. I put the cupcakes on the front desk with permission and then went and told a few familiar folks that I had a cupcake for them because it was my birthday.
You get instant smiles and absolutely no judgment. This is how I met Ray. I had done my routine workout and saw a few more cupcakes in the case. As I go ready to do some sit ups, I said to the older African-American gentleman beside me, “it’s my birthday and I brought cupcakes to share. I’m Shauna.”
“No, you’re SNL,” he said with a puffing laugh.
The pause was awkward.
“You remind me of a girl on Saturday Night Live and since I’’ve never met you, I just refer to you as the SNL girl.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s a new one for me. I’m gonna hold on to that one. That makes me seem cooler than I am!” I joked with him. But was totally serious.
“I’m Ray,” he said.
Talking to a stranger is step one. Welcoming them is another.
Who remembers this story of me giving this lady a ride? She works in health services and was given the wrong directions and ended up near my house. Together we figured it out, we hopped in the van, and she made it on time!
Meet me here next week as we talk about welcoming strangers. With more stories, of course!
What would it take/does it take for you to talk to a stranger?
Leave a comment before you go.
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