Raising kids
in this moment I’m in
i’m sad and alone
i’m facing the truth
i’m done raising kids in our home.
i’ve got no one to nag about moving their laundry
i’m not calling anyone down to eat
i’m not scheduling appointments
nor texting reminders
because i’m done raising kids in our home.
in this moment I’m in
i’m sad and alone
i’m facing the truth
i’m out here on my own.
mom isn’t telling me to put my trash away
dad isn’t asking if I remembered deodorant
i’m not throwing ball in the backyard
i’m not being silly at the kitchen table
because i’m out here on my own.
what are they doing?
are they making the best decision?
is anything making them sad?
what moments are they making?
i’m not leaving any lights on
nor getting extra food
i’m not peeking in their room very early
before leaving for work
i’m not piling their left-around things on the stairs
because i’m done raising kids in our home.
what are they doing?
do they feel me not there?
is anything making them sad?
what moments are they making without me?
i’m not turning the lights off
nor have access to excess food
no one is tucking me in bed
nor asking me to put my things away
because i’m out here on my own.
i know this is good
i feel this is hard
i need to be patient
what took years to get us here
will take time to work out in our head and hearts
he might just need days
but i’ll take the months
the months of sorting my emotions
quieting the accuser
reflecting on the past
repurposing my days
exhaling my breath
regifting myself
Thank You, God, for the gift of getting to raise kids in our home.