i told her it would just be two minutes.

i needed to reheat my coffee. yes, i’m the type that does that.

she was just finishing lunch on her side of the country.

i was brushing off muffin crumbs from the table

on my side of the country.

with my reheated, tasty cup of joe,

i was calling my friend on ichat.

one hour of “is asher learning his shapes?” “how was danielle’s visit?” “when do you think you’ll hear about the orphanage match?” “our schedule is so full next week.” “listen to this...” “oh, and one more thing...”

then one hour of discussing a chapter from a book on marriage. truthfully engaging. brutally honest. asking the hard questions. yes, even the ones about intimacy. “are you being faithful?” “are you enjoying one another often this week?”

reminding each other that we are His first and foremost. that’s where our identity lies.

and we closed, “are you ready to receive your husband home today?”

we told each other to “close those windows” so we can whole-mindedly focus on them when they walk through the door and then into the bedroom.

we need that gal. mine is three time zones away. she doesn’t know the details of my Sundays or the names of all the girls in my small group. she does know what our marriage looked like 5 years ago when we first began a friendship and she’s walked and encourage me ever since. i try and do the same.

ben knows i have these reheated coffee talks with MJ. he’s grateful. it keeps us from being status quo in our marriage. who is speaking into your role as a wife? who’s cheering you on to have a spectacular marriage? of course, your congregation. your parents. those bridesmaids that stood beside you 4, 7, or 22 years ago in those dresses you thought were stylish at the time? find someone to check in with weekly or bi-monthly. and make sure they’ve got a marriage worth emulating.

here’s some questions to get you going over ichat or across the table:

do your kids know how much you love him?

did your kids see you hug, kiss, greet him the past few days?

have you come out of those lounge clothes and into something snazzy?

what are you doing to take care of yourself physically?

have you complimented him recently?

are you talking highly of him in public?

have you gone above and beyond to show love to him this week?

are you pleasing him sexually? and often?

are you making eye to eye contact with him when he talks?

can he tell that you love being his wife?

can he see you growing spiritually?

if i were to call him right now, how would he rate your respect level for him?

(1 would be non-existent, 10 would be royally)

did you tell me the truth to these questions?

okay, which ones do we need to revisit?!