scary beginnings

starting something is scary, but starting gets me somewhere and i've got somewhere i want to be!

this is my heart's cry this fall. this school year. yes. that's more like it. this school year.

because this time last year me and my beautiful daughter were looking at each other with blank stares. she, trying to learn english and her mama and numbers and calendars and clocks. and me, in way too many words, trying to explain to her english and family and values and truths.

well, we got through that. she accomplished more that we dreamed possible. and God was our Sustainer and gets the most credit. now, we're looking in different directions!

she's looking around a classroom for the first time in america and wanting so much to start friendships and figure out what's going on. kavita has an eagerness about her that will push her until she's utterly exhausted. her mind is working overtime to focus and give her best. to piece together what's missing and hold on to what's she's learning. she's a fighter. she's determined. she inspires me not to curl up into a fetal position, but stand tall and walk forward.

and i'm looking at a writer's conference that's now been paid for and registration completed. it freaks me out that i just told you. but being vulnerable here will hopefully inspire you too. i have a book on my heart. make that two. and i'm tired of me letting it get pushed around like it's a piece of clutter that i can't get rid of because it's too valuable, but i have no place to put it because of everything else. i've pushed this aside long enough. i've let laundry and errands take precedence. but not this year. {okay. reality check. laundry and errands must get done, but not be a crutch for me not writing.} i'm a writer and am clocking my hours. i've got somewhere i want to be in april 2017 and i've got some work to take with me!

if you've faced anything scary, you know creepy lies are inevitable.

i'm certain she's battling lies. lies that she's grown up with that are speaking pretty loud to her in a new unfamiliar setting. lies that say she's not enough or can't hang. lies that claw and peel and tear. lies that attack her identity and her past. lies that shed gloom over her future and ache her heart in the very present moment.

i know i'm battling lies. lies that i'm not smart enough. lies that other people are better at it and i should just be content reading their stories. lies that there's not enough time and i lack the discipline. lies that i can't raise a family and pursue a dream at the same time.

lies. lies. lies. because starting something is scary. it's that dark unknown. it's trying to reach out and grasp hold of something, but that something is not there. yet. but my daughter and myself, we aren't going to go round and round with that part. we're going to step into starting something knowing that it's going to get us somewhere and we've got somewhere we want to be! and we're going to practice being each other's cheerleaders. 

there's a chance that you're on a writer's journey like me, with a book in your heart and a  conference to attend and a book proposal to present. there's an even smaller chance that you're starting 4th grade for the first time in america, wanting so much to grow friendships and a sound mind. but there's a much higher chance that there's something scary that you're wanting to start and you're just looking for someone else who's fighting the lies, believing in the God who made you, and ready to get going.

find encouragement here and a shout out that you've got this! the hardest part. wait, how do i know that yet? one of the hardest parts is starting. maybe an even harder part is telling someone you've started something!

i'd love to know something you've started. i'd love to cheer you on. and i'd be happy as a lark to have you cheer for my daughter and for me. 

you must know that she's got a week of school behind her. she knows a few names of her classmates and shed some tears. she's found comfort in that it's her teacher and her principal's first year at her school too. it was a hard week. it was tiring and uncomfortable and full of vulnerable moments. but she did it! and she's learning that she's not alone!

interested in my writer's journey? i'll share what i'm learning, who i'm learning from, and what i'm writing about along the way.