October 1, 2014 — 2 Comments




When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”
 The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.
 Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb!
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
 He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. {Psalm 126}

when you see God at work.

when your soul is moved by the affects He is having on His broken world.

when He hears and responds.

we are like those who go out weeping and come home with shouts of joy!

we have seen the evidence of His power in the two approvals that came in september.

now we are waiting to be filed in court.

here’s what that means:

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September 27, 2014 — 1 Comment

my old self was too afraid to ask such a question.

i thought it disrespectful, yet i know i thought it a bi-zillion times…and like God didn’t know that!

whether it’s in getting older, experiencing pain and suffering, or just life, i’m asking God this question out loud now.

where are You, God?

i have asked this question more in the few short months of 2014 than maybe the past few years combined. my son was treated wrongfully at school and he continued to remain loyal and brave. the system was slow to respond.

where are You, God?

our adoption came to a halt as we were denied the next step in our process. though we are appealing, it’s been over 120 days of silence.

where are You, God?

i intercede, invest, and invite in my circle of influence, but receive fear and rejection.

where are You, God?


i fast. that should work. i beg for prayer from all my friends, family, and anyone who thinks they know me. surely a multitude will get His attention. i run the rhythm of my praise music on the elliptical machine. i envision running across the waters to shake things up on the other side of the world. maybe God just needs to see determination. i write in my prayer journal. i hover over the Scriptures longer. i peruse over adoption timelines and parenting techniques and leadership books. surely i’ll find Him there. i let the tears saturate my pillow as the house is quiet at night and my body starts to relax. i’m tired. i have to rest. i can’t keep doing. i’m exhausted from trying to figure God out. i can process out loud with the best of the female race. i’m open to telling you how hard and difficult the adoption road has been. you text me that your kids need prayer in school? i’m taking that to God immediately. i’m beginning to think my full-time job is just that – prayer-er. i don’t bottle it all up inside. my heart is out there each time i blog and i try to be as transparent before my church family and neighbors. but the soul is made for only One. and it’s in my soul where the cry comes from.

where are You, God?

a nearby wise pastor wrote it well: “In the dark night, my prayers feel like they reach no higher than the ceiling. (Although, Dallas [Willard] often said, if we truly understand how radically present God is in our world, reaching the ceiling is more than high enough.) In the dark night, the Bible I read turns to ashes. In the dark night, words and books and songs that once spoke to my soul now leave me cold.”{Soul Keeping, John Ortberg, Zondervan 2014} Ortberg goes on to write in this powerful book that “in the dark night the soul is pained but not hopeless.”

when we wonder about God’s whereabouts, stay in the wonder and wait.

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sons and daughters

September 24, 2014 — Leave a comment

when we can’t get through to our kids, God can.

when we’re not able to be with them, God is.

when they’re serving in the middle east or africa, God draws near.

when she live in an orphanage in india, God sees her.

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when he hurts and you can’t fix it, God heals.

when the other child bullies and you can’t fathom his home life, God goes home with him.

when she looks at you like you can’t possibly understand, God made her inside and out.

all of Scripture is God-breathed. indeed. so today, i claim Isaiah.

i’ve seen God’s prophecies fulfilled through him as he was faithful to speak them to the people.

in chapter 39.7, he said, “some of your sons will be eunuchs in the palace of the king.” daniel was a eunuch in the palace of the king.

Isaiah said a voice will cry in the wilderness, “prepare the way of the Lord.” Elizabeth’s son, John, was that voice.

Oh, mothers and fathers, let us claim God’s Word as truth over our sons and daughters.


over someone else’s sons and daughters.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” {Isaiah 43.1}

I ask that You come to her rescue. Somehow, in a way beyond all imagination, let her see You. Let her hear You whispering her name, calling, “Mine. Mine. Mine.”

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September 20, 2014 — 15 Comments


july 25, we were awoken  at 5 am.

“hi, {advocate}. should i put you on speaker phone?”

“you should most definitely put me on speaker phone!”

we cried and squealed and threw off the covers.

we are a resurrected people.

the darkness has been overcome by life.

from january til now, the darkness has been unbearable at times. so thick. so long. the darkness at times has taken my breath away. suffocating. too hard. begging God to come through, to shine through.

but this morning, it’s all gone. the darkness is over. i can’t even remember what the darkness felt like. and the darkness was just as real and present as 5 minutes ago!

i’ve sat at an atlanta braves baseball game drenched in sweat and humidity trying to remember the many times i’ve sat at a san francisco giants game cold and numb from the wind. i couldn’t remember. the heat was just so present that i couldn’t fathom being cold.

when you experience the resurrection, you can’t even fathom the darkness anymore.

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothes me with gladness, that my glory may sing Your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, i will give thanks to You forever.” {Psalm 30.11-12}

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we ordered the pizza. we grabbed the balloons. we invited all who were walking through the darkness with us.

we celebrated our Hope. we rejoiced in the resurrection.

what was dead had been brought to life again.

we are no longer on the sidelines. we are back in the process.

she’s worth fighting for. we haven’t stopped fighting.

we are just now fighting in the light, rather than the darkness.

awaiting to be filed with her local court for hearings and written orders. this will give us custody!

then the orphanage applies for her passport and we book tickets!

continue to pray. yet, it’s with expectant souls now. for she is coming home.