{originally posted february 15.2014. now i read it and my faith is made sight. oh thank You, Jesus. the fight was worth it. yet, i still call to You to do wonders in her heart and mine. we’ve got some catching up to do!}

sweet girl,

it comes as no surprise that i’d write you. i’ve been talking to Jesus daily about you for almost two years now. your name is on my lips throughout the day – either in a prayer uttered to Jesus or in my mom voice wanting to tell you something because you are in the very room with me.

my love for you grows stronger with each passing day and today is one of those days when it weighs my heart down into my gut. i’m longing so to have you right beside me. that’s why my heart is heavy, k. but i know what to do. and that’s to talk to Jesus even more about you. it’s just that He knows how much i love you and i want you to hear those words from me…from my lips. my frustration quickly turns liquid and puddles in my eyes.

k, i want to be the one that covers you up at night. to scratch your back and whisper, “i’m glad i’m your mom.” to kiss those perfectly round cheeks of yours and tell you for the umpteenth time that day, “i love you.”

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trader joes

August 7, 2015 — 1 Comment

trader joes,

particularly the one near my house.

i know you are not expecting to hear back from me, but you should. and while i could keep these thoughts to myself, i know i’m not alone in my sentiments and like any good ole mother, processing-out-loud is good for the mind.

so i’m writing to tell you good job. and thank you. though you are a small store and your aisles have capacity for half my family, you welcome us anyway. there are moments totaling all of 4 seconds when we form a complete line, kind of like a train, and other shoppers can get around us. but again, that’s only 4 seconds of our 44 minutes in the store. on this particular day, the gentleman in scrubs waited for us to reform our “train” so he could go around. the black haired lady must have kids of her own because she gave me that ‘i know the feeling, sister,’ look.

but the best was the samples guy. and i use that description in the most adoring way. my kids love you. it’s typically hit or miss with the appetites of my children. they don’t like tofu or seaweed and turn their noses up to anything soupy. i, on the other hand, consider your food sample and communion size coffee cup a blessed treat. today was a win all the way around. pretzel bagels with cookie butter cream cheese. i know i just lost most of you there. because you are already grabbing the keys and headed to you nearby trader joes. and you should. my post will be here when you get back.

so this sample was amazing. and we clogged the entire area. because we are 4 kids and a mom and a shopping cart.

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a list of firsts first…

first baseball game {giants verses athletics}

first movie theater {minions}

first wedding {shane and savannah}

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putt-putt {she thought it would never end}

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first trip as a family of 6 {san diego}

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first pair of jeans {she had a belt and needed some loops}

first presentation {at apple no less}

first time at church {how did it go?  just like it would for any young child having to sit still for 40 minutes, minus the fun thought that it was her dad on stage}

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thursday-4386

you think about it, play it out in your mind, exactly how you imagine it will go. the day you meet each other. the day she is delivered into your care. this practice keeps you sane in the waiting. this “escape into the land of adoption” holds you up above the mundane of paperwork and no email updates. it gives you something to look forward to, for it’s the only “tangible” you’ve got since you cannot reach her across the waters.

for this is how i labored long before i delivered.

like any other labor and delivery story, no two are the same.

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