Can we go deeper and wider?
This is a pivotal moment and a vulnerable moment for me as I lead in this space and together with you. By now, you and I have had to get uncomfortable. You’ve chosen to meet your neighbors, be the welcome, invite others over, and make a difference right where you live. You amaze me with your bravery and creativity! If you were here prior to January 2019, you helped me launch Love Where You Live and others of you have come since because of the missional call to live sent.
In this post, I’m about to get extremely raw. A feeling most of us identify with this year. I kindly ask that you not turn from what you’re about to read. This began with a question: Can I go deeper and wider? A deep dive into what’s engrained inside of me. A wider perspective of what our brothers and sisters can teach me. In Isaiah 6:8, Isaiah experiences personal confession before he allows himself to be used of God.
“Depth leads us to confession. Width leads us to be used by God.”
This is more of my story:
I’ve lived a very white life. My friend, Rich Villodas, defines whiteness this way: “Whiteness is the standardized way of viewing and assigning value to the world, through the racialized perspective of White normativity.” Not because I sought this out, but because it’s in me. It’s in me to expect a certain way of life, to give thanks for my many blessings, and subconsciously believe that if something doesn’t work out, then it was God’s sovereignty rather than anything held against me by man. I could list all that my white life affords me, but that is understood as the American Dream. A set of values created with me in mind. A country that works for me.
I’ve lived a very white Christian life. For most of my 42 years, I’ve followed Jesus in a dominant white society. I’ve considered my privileged life as a ministry to be able to be a blessing to those less fortunate. So I gave an offering. I went on mission trips. I looked on the poor with compassion. I actually was looking down, to be honest. In my childhood, I thought to be black was to be poor. I am becoming wide awake to the injustices and prejudices and systemic racism that led to this. At times, I have seen injustice and justified that we’re not a healed nation yet, nor a unified church. So I prayed and pushed the conviction down. My white Christian life has afforded me this privilege. To change the channel if I didn’t like what I was hearing. To take a different route if I didn’t feel safe. To expect my white church to teach me all the ways of God as it was best understood in our white context. To hear stories from the pew of what was taking place around the world and want so much to identify, but the best I could do was to pray for the white missionaries who had birthdays that day.
In all of this whiteness in childhood, my family had moments of discomfort with the norms and tried to speak up, but our voices were crowded out by louder voices. I know our moments paled in comparison to what our black neighbors were experiencing.
Not all of my life was this white. Again, I’m referring to this perspective and worldview. But it was for a very long time. I have asked God for forgiveness and am in conversations with my parents and sisters who lived the first 20 years with me. I am on a steep learning curve. I’m in one-on-one conversations with close friends of color who live in various parts of our country and are telling me their stories and educating me on their life experiences. I’m having one mind-blowing moment after another.
Through personal renewal and revival that I have experienced, through those mission trips to other parts of the world, through my mom loving everyone in town no matter what, through friendships formed outside my whiteness, I am changing. For me to change is not to simply add this or that to my belief system, but to be torn, broken, undone, dismantled. My theology has been rocked before and it’s time for it to be rocked again. My belief of God and how God relates to the world must go deeper and wider. Not because I’m wanting to be a super Christian. I want to be a true Christ follower. A doer of His Word. This is the basics of Christianity: to do what God requires and it’s been in the Bible all along. “The Lord has told you what is good. He has told you what he wants from you: Do what is right to other people. Love being kind to others. And live humbly, trusting your God.” Micah 6:8 ICB
If you’re still around, thank you for letting me be very transparent. I have sat with this letter to you for some time. This is a process that will span a lifetime. One I hope you’ll journey yourself. I care so much about you and the way I lead us to love where we live. The ones who stay are the ones who are being broken over what is breaking God’s heart right now. I beg you not to shut down or numb what is making you uncomfortable, but let the breaking lead to breakthrough. Let the knot in your stomach lead to confession in your heart. Let the restless nights lead to intercession for our country, for the Church, for the traumatized, and for those who come to your mind. Let it be said of you and me:
““Come and let us return [in repentance] to the LORD, For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up That we may live before Him. So let us know and become personally acquainted with Him; let us press on to know and understand fully the [greatness of the] LORD [to honor, heed, and deeply cherish Him]. His appearing is prepared and is as certain as the dawn, And He will come to us [in salvation] like the [heavy] rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth.”” Hosea 6:1-3 AMP
Do our prayers reflect us believing God for healing, for reconciliation or do we limit Him and keep Him to ourselves and our issues? “If God said yes to every prayer you prayed in the last seven days, how would the world be different?” (Dangerous Prayers You Version Devotional by Craig Groeschel)
A dangerous prayer for us to pray:
God, let it begin in me. And let me lead locally.
I’m sharing this space with some of my friends over the next few weeks. Friends I’m learning from. Friends I want you to meet.
Join me in the next post: 3 Ways to Go Deeper and Wider in the Conversation on Race by Rosie Villodas. Yes, she’s married to Rich, whom I quoted earlier! Rosie and Rich live and pastor in Queens, New York and are dear friends of Epic Church and our family. Help me honor and welcome her here by subscribing and sharing with a friend.
And stay connected here as I continue to ask questions in coming posts:
Is your purpose getting rebuilt?
Do you have friends who aren’t like you?
Who are you learning from?
Do you call yourself a neighbor?
Do you really want revival?
Are you proud to be an American?
What do I do with the loss?
What do I do now?