Do you have friends who aren’t like you?
We’re going here today. Because we are learning to love where we live, this includes loving all people. In this time in history and in this generation, our hearts and eyes have been opened to the neglect, apathy, and wrongdoings towards our black brothers and sisters.
For you, black brothers and sisters, keep teaching us, leading us, and showing us more of the Jesus way. For you, white brothers and sisters, don’t stop learning, speaking up, and being a friend. I’m glad we’re in this together. May we not go back to where we came from, but keep stepping further into the path of Christ as we build relationships with one another.
This post will be easier to read if you already have and are continually working on your friendships with people of color.
This post will be tempting to delete or close if the work seems pointless or if you’re closed off to friendships with people different from you. But let that not be us here!
As we work on our friendships, some of us know names and faces, but wouldn’t say you have close friends of color.
Start here: Do you have the phone number of a neighbor, co-worker, school family, or church member? Looking it up in the directory or calling the church secretary doesn’t count! It’s got to be stored on your phone!
Do you know where this family or person lives? What they enjoy?
Once again, let’s go here together. If you don’t have a phone number of a person of color, it’s time to make a friend! This only leads to a better and mirrored life of Christ.
Shantinay and Desiree’s numbers are in my phone! These two women are strong in their faith in God and are helping shape our country for the good!
Help me welcome Shantinay Rodriguez Bagwell and Desiree Westbrook! Shantinay works at Chick-fil-a Corporate, is a new mom to their adopted son, Jaden, and is married to my cousin, Michael. Desiree is a church planter in Oakland with her husband, James and their two beautiful kids. These two women are my friends and I’d love for you to learn and listen to them now:
Shantinay, welcome to this space. Your life bring stories and experiences from lots of cultures.
Me: Do you have friends who aren’t like you?
Shantinay: I am fortunate to have been born in New York City and have been surrounded by diversity my entire life. I grew up in Lower East Side Manhattan and went to school with Puerto Ricans, Whites, Blacks, Dominicans, Chinese, Mexicans, a melting pot of cultures and races. My grandparents raised me, and grandparents were raising grandchildren back in those days, it was so common. I had friends who had married parents, one parent, same sex parents, no parents. So many different stories and backgrounds to learn from and live alongside. My best friend of 26+ years is White. My other best friend of almost the same length of time is Black. I also have a young adult that I mentor that is gay. I have been positioned my entire life to be surrounded by people who look and think completely different than me. It is thrilling. I am a biracial woman married to a white man, and we have different political views. Lessons of life come in all forms and colors. My encouragement, be an intentional diversity seeker.
Me: I’ve known you for several years and the way you listen to me and our family speaks volumes to how you choose to engage. Who do you listen to?
Shantinay: I honestly listen to everyone. I can’t say I agree with everyone, but I enjoy listening. Most of the people that I spend a lot of time with have differing political views than I do, and I enjoy listening to their why. Now most of the time I don’t agree with their why, but there is no harm in being educated. In fact, I would say it helps me connect with many different types of people because I try to educate myself on different perspectives. I have learned that different experiences bring about different opinions. I am not a fan of watching the news but when I do, I try to watch different networks to gain insight. There are times it is entertaining, and sometimes educational. All in all, I listen to whomever has something to say, because there is always something to be learned.
Me: Can we go deeper and wider as we learn to love where we live?
Shantinay: There are always opportunities to go deeper and wider as we pursue loving others where we live. The challenge is truly understanding that geography is just that. Human beings in the same area can have drastically different experiences in the same location as their neighbors – all for different reasons. A foreigner can have a certain experience taking public transit than a person native to the area. When we talk about going “deeper and wider” the challenge is to not just put yourself in someone else’s shoes, rather walk alongside them. Being open minded in conversations is simply not enough. Intentionally put yourself in situations where you can experience life with others. Learn how others define “loving where they live.” My guess is that some responses will educate us on how to more deeply love those in our communities and tell us exactly how we can serve more “deep and wide.”
Desiree, you lead at home, in an urban context, and in the church. We’re here to learn from you!
Me: Do you have friends who aren’t like you?
Desiree: By God's grace, we have had the blessing of many friends who aren't like us, who are different ethnically, socioeconomically, professionally, educationally, and vocationally. We are sincerely interested in learning about where we live, which includes the people of Oakland. In order to learn the culture, we engage with the people to better love our neighbors and garner a heart of compassion and service. Our friendships help our children have a more well-rounded and global perspective of God's creation.
Me: Do you call yourself a neighbor?
Desiree: Yes, we see ourselves as neighbors because we believe that God created us as relational beings, created to love God and to love others. Thus, we are continuously seeking ways to get to know and serve others in our homes, at Church, on our block, in our neighborhood/community and in Oakland. We love where we live and we are thankful for the community and neighbors that we have because each person has their own story and we get to find ways to be a small or big part of our their stories. We hope we are helping each other to make it through life - one heart, one conversation, and one smile at a time.
Me: Who are you listening to?
Desiree: Honestly, my husband's sermons have been really ministering to me as he's doing a Justice in June series that he's finishing up and then before then we went through the Psalms. Additionally, I also listen to Priscilla Shirer, and Ravi Zacharias (I love apologetics), and I also listen to instrumental chill hop/lofi jazzy instrumental hip hop as well as Fred Hammond worship songs, other worship songs, and I also enjoy the music of Josh Garrels (and I also like other genres of music too--I'm a big music fan from Southern California) to name a few. I also love clean funk music (my Father was a Bass Guitarist in Funk Bands growing up). Additionally, I like to listen to testimonies of God's faithfulness on the Unshackled radio show as well as follow the testimonies and stories related to the Global Body of Christ on the Voice of the Martyrs podcast/radio show, which help to give me and my family other ways to get outside of ourselves, reminding us to remember to pray for others in the Body of Christ while in Oakland, as well as, provide encourage as we listen to stories about God's amazing power to restore the broken, creating beauty from ashes.
You can thank Shantinay and Desiree in the comments below and follow them at @dwest514 and @shantinay.bagwell.