self talk with slow

Mary Oliver said that

Whitman said…

the poem is a temple - or a green field -

a place to enter, and in which to feel.

I’m playing with poetry.

Actually I’m flirting,

Oliver would say.

My interest is piqued.

I feel more free in the ignorance

and window shopping

than when I know more.

wanting slow

and choosing slow

oh my

two different things.

the first is most popular

believing, if presented the opportunity

fairy dust would fall and

poof

slow would be ours

and all would be well.

choosing slow

comes with no fairy dust.

one has to first recognize

that breathing has been off.

breathe in.

breathe out.

over and over. this is choosing slow.

this is good.

you are healing

and dealing

with the very center of you.

a place hard to get to

and challenging to stay at.

when you think it’s time to move on

you’ve come to the next step

to stay longer

to breathe in

to breathe out

as you grow to linger in this

most simple practice of humanness

you can know

you’re choosing slow.

wanting slow

i pick up my phone

searching for slow

the remote

is there a show?

the screen

what’s in it for me?

how revealing is slow

in choosing slow

i’m faced with not wanting slow

slow is going to take too long

and i can’t see where it will take me

or how long slow is.

maybe wanting slow

talking of slow

comparing slow tactics

spiritualizing slow

keeps me in the elite class

of arrivals and departures

without ever having

to actually choose.

dare i choose slow?

dare i believe it’s better?

dare i risk it and let go of pent up fears?

can i detox from technology?

let the phone go on the weekend?

deal with withdrawals, boredom,

spinning thoughts, doubts,

self-imposed tantrums,

stunning silence?

there’s only one way to find out.